Riding of the Shandon Marches

Roond Table News

Our Riding of the Marches Correspondent writes

As you may already know, this year's Shandon Riding of the March was a great success, attracting around 67 horses and visitors from Coldstream, Penicuik, Lanark, Jedburgh, Sanquhar and Duns. Ravelrig Riding for the Disabled was represented by fourteen riders.
The riders were escorted by the Police around the boundaries of Shandon. They were then led into the car park at Matalan by the Shandon Pipe Band where they were greeted by Senior Manager John Archer. Our mascot, Feroda the goat, once again attended the Sashing Ceremony outside Grays Mill to the amusement of the local children.

This year's Ensign, Jenny MacNair, and Equerry, Fiona McErlean represented Shandon at many Border towns including Penicuik, Lanark, West Linton, Sanquhar, Biggar, Kirkcudbright, Dumfries and Jedburgh. Indeed, they hit the headlines of the local Jedburgh paper after being the first females to take part, and complete, the Callant's Chase at 6 am in ballgowns! They brought home to Shandon two lovely trophies to keep as a memento of their historic day.
Our Equerry, Fiona, also brought home a silver rosebowl for winning the Lass's chase at Sanquhar. Jenny and Fiona have worked extremely hard this year to represent Shandon .
We are hoping to build on the success of this year's Ride and our Ensign and Equerry's commitment to representing our community. Please support us by cheering your Ensign and Equerry on as they lead this historic Ride around the boundaries of Shandon on 5th May 2009.

We are now looking for our Equerry for next year. If you are aged 18 to 118, live in Shandon and would like to apply, please contact the secretary of the Ride Committee on 451 5745.
It is not essential to able to ride to enjoy your year as Equerry. You can represent Shandon at the other border towns without having to ride at all! Basic tuition will be given to take part in the Shandon Riding and a horse provided for the day.

Another Planet News

news from Uranus etc

Sad news reaches the Mince that Ashley Terrace's acclaimed toy and parachute shop, "Another Planet" is closing down. This is not a good thing, though there are obviously short term benefits.

euphemism (yf-mzm)

No18 in a series

eu·phe·mism (yf-mzm)

n.
The act or an example of substituting a mild, indirect, or vague term for one considered harsh, blunt, or offensive: "Euphemisms such as 'slumber room' . . . abound in the funeral business" Jessica Mitford.
[Greek euphmismos, from euphmizein, to use auspicious words, from euphmi, use of auspicious words : eu-, eu- + phm, speech; see bh-2 in Indo-European roots.]

No18 num·ber eight·een (nmbr atetn)

n.
The act of nipping for a poo (see No2) only to find it was something entirely gaseous, Something of a faux pas socially.
[Scot No18, from the house of that number where one directs guests when one's cludgies are choked during a party]

Shandon Celtic fans toast rare League Title triumph

League campaign goes down to the Wire

It was joy unconfined in Celtic supporting households across Shandon as they emerged at the end of a tumultuous season with the major honour - the Premier League title. And few can doubt that they deserved the title of 'Championees', especially after looking out of the running just four short weeks ago.

Credit must be given to Gordon 'brains' Strachan who masterminded an amazing about turn in Celtic's league fortunes by recruiting Neil Lennon to join his backroom staff. Neil has been credited with instilling a sense of self belief in an outfit who were often thought as lightweight and uncertain, if not totally clueless.

Local fan Mr F M, pictured (right) with Neil celebrating the unexpected triumph after local rivals Rangers dismally collapsed at Pittodrie said, "brilliant! get it right f****n up them".

New Music Venue

New Music Venue Excites the Young People of Shandon

The Mince hears that Shandon's very own singing sensation Andy M has teamed up with Sandy Brechin for a not-to-be-missed, never to-be-repeated concert in a location not far from Shandon. It is understood that tickets for the standing-room-only totally free event were all snapped up within minutes of being made available and are already changing hands on eBay for several times their face value.

The venue, which is a closely guarded secret, is understood to sell excellent cask conditioned ales and traditional pies. The bar staff can be a bit irregular, mind (allegedly) .....

More Congestion on Shandon Place

Months of Misery Forecast

New reaches The Mince that it will be three months before the broken manhole cover at the junction of Shandon Place and Slateford Road can be replaced. The delay is believed to be caused by the failure to finalise the new funding arrangements for capital expenditure by the Scottish Government. The new infrastructure funding mechanism, the Scottish Futures Trust is intended to replace the former Scottish Executive’s Public Private Partnerships and Private Finance Initiative (PPP/PFI).

Shandon Road Pothole Shocker

News from round the corner

News reaches the Mince that there is a big pothole in Shandon Road. It's a shocker. The Mince must wonder what is the point of having a proportional voting system if basics like filling in potholes aren't attended to. In fact, the whole road is cracking up. One resident contaced by the Mince voiced a view shared by many, "its a bloody disgace the state of these streets".

Residents who are owners of motor vehicles are respectfully reminded by The Mince of the advice of Ministers not to panic-buy fuel, and stick to their normal fuel-buying routine.

Craiglockhart Community Council Gas

News from along the road

The Mince was a bit amused to read this on the minutes of Craiglockhart Community Cooncil. But its true! You can hear the planes at night: even from Shandon! But only if yer turn the music down.

"Bryce Morrison reported that BAA is holding meetings to explain about the resurfacing of runway 1 at Edinburgh Airport. Some air traffic at night will be routed over Craiglockhart for 6 months from March 2008. Anyone interested in reading BAA’s proposal should go to their site on www.edinburghairport.com and follow the links to Runway resurfacing ."

Being for the Benefit of Mr T

[this is a Stones, song, right? Ed.]

Bus Pass Celebrations get out of hand...

Several readers have contacted the Mince to ask why there's been no new stories when so much has been happening in the locality. This is due entirely to alcoholic poisoning following Mr T's 60th birthday: an impromptu affair involving much drink. Swathes of Shandon men are understood to still be incapacitated and only able to drink Deuchars.

Mr T again related his best tale (we never tire of this one) of how, as a young 14 year old whippersnapper, he managed to sneak into the Royal Oak at Windsor (I think this is right). It was 1962 and one of the Rolling Stones first gigs. Anyway, our Steve pressed in at the back of the sweaty throng and watched open mouthed. That is, until Jagger's moothy packed in. Thing is, our Windsor schoolboy had a blues harp in G in his pocket and shouted out to Mick! Mick borrowed it and finished the set - and at the end, hauled Steve up to join them on the tiny stage for a stompin' finale of Howlin' Wolf's "Wang Dang Doodle" !!

Pass that bottle, tell us how it was again, Steve! Cheers.

Flagpole for Harrison Park

Mystery Flagpole

Several readers have contacted the Mince to ask why a flagpole has been placed in Harrison Park. One suggestion is that it might be used for flag-saluting days either introduced by the Holyrood Parliament (Saltire; St Andews Day) or by Westminster (Union Jack; Trafalgar Day). Other organisations and sects may also be able to use the flagpole at diferent times, according to one authoritative source contacted by The Mince. As social cohesion rises up the agenda, we better watch for other initiatves in the Park!

Grant for Refurbishment of Bridge Lights Approved

Another Shandon Campaign

News reaches The Mince that campaigners in Shandon who have been lobbying for Heritage funding to restore the lights on the Bridge at Slateford Road have been successful. The elegant 1930s lights will be returned to their previous gilt condition complete with original pate de verre glass (heavy hand moulded) globe with geometric segmented sections around the centre, each delineated with gold banding over amber granite glass.
The total cost of the refurbished lights will be £650,000 and it is expected that they will be complete by summer 2009.

Mystery Goings On Up Canal

Floating man in Canal

Another Evening News Exclusive....

A BUSINESSMAN today told how he jumped into the Union Canal and pulled a man to safety.
Jon Clemence, 34, who is behind Edinburgh's Wannaburger restaurants, was passing the canal at around midnight on Saturday when he spotted the man floating in the water near the Harrison Road crossing.
Mr Clemence, who also owns The Caley Sample Room nearby and the city's Cambridge Bar in Young Street, jumped in to save the man. The 55-year-old, who was pulled out of the water wearing a suit and raincoat and still clutching his mobile phone, was taken to Edinburgh Royal Infirmary suffering from suspected hypothermia. Mr Clemence, who had been returning home after a curry with friends, said: "It was midnight so the canal was dark and very cold, but in a situation like that you don't have much choice.
"My friends and I had been to Roti on Morrison Street for a meal, and decided to walk home to my place in Shandon. We heard this groaning coming from the water and shouted down to see if anyone responded.
"We heard another noise and it was definitely human, and we could just about make out this shadow, then everything went quiet and the shadow disappeared so we were worried he had gone under.
"The canal is pretty deep so I had to swim out to get him, but he was fairly buoyant and he didn't struggle so I was able to get him to the banks fairly easily."
Mr Clemence has no formal lifesaving training and describes himself as a moderately good swimmer. He added: "I just did what anyone else would do. You don't think about the cold when someone is in danger, and I guess your instinct just takes over."
A spokesman for the Scottish Ambulance Service called it "a very brave act".
He said: "When we arrived the patient was already out of the canal. He was conscious and breathing."
It is not known how long the man had been in the water or how he came to be there. Mr Clemence contacted police later on that day when he found a set of keys near where he rescued the man. He was told that the man was in hospital suffering from hypothermia.

Interesting comments by Jim Dorman, training manager at St Andrew's First Aid, mind. He is quoted as saying, "He could have been overcome by a strong current, hit by floating debris or pulled down by reeds at the bottom of the water." Methinks he's been watching too many training videos.

It's Hard on Harry

Young Prince to be Prematurely Withdrawn

Prince Harry is to be withdrawn from Afghanistan after news of his secret deployment leaked out.The 23-year-old royal, who has spent the last 10 weeks serving in Helmand Province, is to be flown back to the UK amid concerns for his safety.The move follows the collapse of a news blackout deal over his tour of duty, which was broken by foreign media.

The Mince, which has complied with the MoD D-notice along with the rest of the British media, deplores the leaking of this story by the foreign media. His service in Afghanistan has been so secretive that hardly a single photo of our young hero prince in uniform as been released. It is understood that the MoD now may reluctantly allow some access by the media and the Mince will be there bringing you the latest.

As for his balding Prince Charles look-alike brother and heir to the throne, William, we say, sharpen up! Princes Trust? Organic loaves? Get a fekking grip. Ratatatatatat! Eat lead you taliban Al Fayeed fuckers youse [check this out grammarwise. Ed].

Victory for Shandon Residents after long running Yellow Box Campaign

"Victory for Commonsense" says Chairman of SYBC

Shandon Residents have hailed the Council's U-turn on the long running saga of the Yellow Box at the foot of Shandon Place as a long overdue victory for commonsense. The Yellow Box campaign team Chairperson, Doug Anderson, was quick to congratulate his campaign team and paid tribute to The Mince for its assistance.

"Everybody said that you're wasting your time", said Mr Anderson, 55 of 11 Shandon Place. " The local papers just didn't want to know, they thought we were troublemakers, but right from the offset The Mince could see that we had a point. It was only a matter of time before tempers were going to get out of hand. We'd seen people get out of cars because someone had blocked access to the Crescent, and all sorts of altercations were going on".

One of the first residents to benefit from the box, Mr G of Shandon Crescent, was pleased at being the first motorist to drive through the box and was personally given a bottle of Threshers Cava by a delighted Mr Anderson.

Murder in Shandon's Back Yard

By our Peterheid Correspondent

The family of a North-east dad-of-two who was found dead in a homeless hostel, have been paying tribute to him.
Police launched a murder probe after Peterhead man David Redpath, 39, was discovered at Edinburgh's Harrison HouseHostel. Forensic officers removed property from the building for testing. Officers also searched nearby gardens and embankments, as well as the neighbouring St Michael's Parish Church and its grounds.
Two people have appeared in court in connection with his death.
Neighbours at his former home in School Road, Peterhead, said he had been battling ongoing problems with drugs but in recent years had worked hard to turn his life around.
He was studying in Edinburgh when he died.
Mr Redpath's heart-broken relatives said he had been a sociable, family man with a keen sense of humour.
He had stayed in School Road, Peterhead, with his wife, Irene, daughter Jenna, 20, and son Sean, 14, but moved away from the town several years ago.
His family issued a statement through Lothian and Borders Police last night.
They said: "David was a much-loved father, son, brother and friend.
"He was a gentle family man and a devoted uncle and we are all heartbroken with his sudden death.
"Latterly, he had personal problems but always remained in regular contact with his family.
"He had made a lot of plans for the future and was looking forward to completing his studies."
Peterhead residents also paid tribute.
One woman said: "I always remember he was a handsome, very intelligent young man. He had moved away some time ago but he came back regularly."
A woman appeared at Edinburgh Sheriff Court yesterday in connection with Mr Redpath's death. Diane Armstrong, 25, was charged with attempting to pervert the course of justice. She made no plea following the brief, private hearing. Armstrong, of no fixed address, is the second person to be charged in connection with the death.Last week, 25-year-old Leslie Moohan, also of no fixed address, appeared in court charged with Mr Redpath's murder. He was due to make a second appearance on petition today.
Mr Redpath was found by the hostel's manager.
Owner Almera Akbar said: "As you can imagine, he's very shaken up about it.
"This has come as a complete shock to me. I'd like to find out exactly what happened here."

Data Loss Fear Strikes Shandon Households

Latest Scandal May be Final Blow to ID Card Scheme



Yet another catastrophic data loss has been reported to The Mince. It appears that the Royal Mail left a document containing names, addresses and phone numbers of thousands of Edinburgh residents, including many in Shandon, outside a front door in the Colonies, from where it disappeared.

"There is a real fear that this could be a bonanza to organised criminal gangs who specialise in identity theft" said an expert contacted by The Mince. " I would recommend that anyone who fears that they could be at risk to change their house and name, and definitely disconnect their phone immediately".

The loss is just the latest in a long line of data losses from government organisations, causing many to question Gordon Brown's fitness to govern. Or indeed go jogging, or indulge in vigorous sex. An expert contacted by the Mince said that if you suffer from data loss you should [blah blah blah. Where's my cheque?]

Sculpture Garden Award goes to Shandon

Crowds May Cause Parking Concern

The Mince hears that a garden in Shandon Place has narrowly pipped Ian Hamilton Finlay's Little Sparta in the annual Sidney Simon Sculpture Award presented by the National Academy of Design.

It's fifth time lucky for the Shandon Garden, and it is believed that replacing wood bark with red stone chippings, allowing greater access all year round may have swayed the judges this time. The £10,000 prize money will certainly be useful as Ronnie's Nissan is fair clapped out.

Very 'Hot' Malt

Sharp nose of plastic bag, used fivers and rum credentials on the palate, long after taste which would go well with porridge

The Mince hears of a very fine and exclusive malt, normally retailing at nearly 200 squid, which has come into the possession of one of the Shandon Senior Service Crew. Not since the famous Lochnagar has a better whisky graced the veneered blockboard shelves of Shandon's finest properties.

Talking of which, much gossip surrounds the whereabouts of one-time Shandon resident, Dr P, who was supposed to be making a visit back to the old chums for Hogmanay but never appeared. Rumours abound that a chap, not at all dissimilar was seen in the vicinity of All Bar One on the night of Friday 18th January. With babes. And a walking stick and deer-stalker! All true.

Paparazzi Menace

Sickening Images Will Lead to Calls for Clamp Down

The Mince, along with many other respected news organisations, has been offered shocking and graphic images of the terrifying and sickening ordeal experienced by students at the flats on the corner of Harrison and Bryson Roads at a fire of the night of Monday 14th January 2008.

The Mince wishes to make it clear that we will not be rewarding the disgusting and reprehensible ambulance chasing activities of some of the paparazzi by paying for any of the photos which have been offered for sale and urge other responsible media outlets to follow suit. Besides, Chrissakes Andy, they're shite! Where's the smoke never mind, the flames?? Even the Evening Noos would have trouble using these.

Dog Shit Blues

By our summary justice correspondent

The Mince hears a considerable amount about a baggage with a big dug in one of the Shandon Place flats. Aye. And she lets it shit all over the communal green. And she doesn't give a shit at all. And its a big dug. All big and whiskery. And now the communal green can't be used by any of the weans that used to play football there. Aye.

The Mince hears however that those stalwarts of the community, Shag, have started taking an interest. A local arsonist could well be recruited...

Welcome Home Kenny!

By our miscarriage of justice codpiece


Excited crowds have been waiting to catch a glimpse of local hero Kenny Richey, back from his ordeal on death row. The Mince hears that several of the Shag crew were hoping to gain some notoriety by enticing him up to the Diggers for a bevvy or two but Kenny never got further than that fine hostelry on Dalry Rd, Dickens Lounge. It seems however that they're still hopeful of ensnaring their quarry, and may have made plans for him to be the guest of honour at their upcoming Burns night.

Hogmanay 2008

The Shag Hogmanay party went ahead as usual at an undisclosed location....but our correspondent was there...

There was no sign of any credit crunch at Shag's Hogmanay Party, The Mince can exclusively reveal. And there was no need to bring any drink as the host and hostess had laid in a few cases of Roederer Cristal 2000. If you haven't tried the latest vintage, I can only report that it fairly bursts from the glass with fresh hazelnut and apple scents. Fantastic for washing down the cheese footballs and Lidl's jumbo pretzels. It's going to be a hard one to follow that in 2009 - Inshallah, of course.

Budapest-Bamako

Feel the Dakar experience for a fraction of the cost ! The Mince is delighted to see that no having a car is no bar to entering the Budapest Bamako rally. Move over Cantona, richt enough!

The Shandoneers

Andrew Mill
Ross Moore
There is only 2 of us
" Sometimes in life one experiences an emotion which is so strong that it is difficult to think, or to reason. Sometimes you get submerged by emotion. I think it's very important to express it - which doesn't necessarily mean hitting someone. I am very mistrustful of people who are constantly over-intellectualising things. It kills passion. You have to allow yourself to lose control from time to time." - Eric Cantona

Andrew is 24 and from Edinburgh. He went to university in Glasgow and studied engineering. Here he met Ross, 26, who is a brewer by trade for Kelburn Brewers. Ross makes the best beer in the world. They are both keen travellers and are brought together for this rally through their mutual love of adventure, sport and Johnny Cash. Anyone else leaving from London, get in touch and we can meet up before we leave - jambodrew@gmail.com

Vehicle type: Car ()
Category: Touring
Participant's Number: 146

Tired of the SPL?

Then why not get yer mitts oot fer Hutchy Vale Ladies...

Good to see an article in the Grogie Darly Gazetta del Sport on the fastest growing sport in the world. Aye, Ladies soccer apparently. Mind you cos there used to be naebuddy interested in it, you can't actually calculate how fast it's growing cos you'd have to divide by zero.

And special mention must be made of Hutch Vale keeper, Shandon's very own Rachel Harrison, who is now representing Scotland at Under 19 level.

Fixtures here......

Hidden delights......

By our Sample Room Correspondent With the Leer and big bottle of Frosty Jacks (aka Joanna Blythman)

Strewth, a review of the Sample Room in the Sunday Herald! And a good review too.. 7.5 oot of ten! The Mince must stop in on the way to The Diggers. But not on the way back, naw.

I HAVE passed the Caley Sample Room countless times and never considered going in. From the outside, it looks like a tacky chain pub. Then a little bird told me that there was more to it than meets the eye. There were tales of a menu that sometimes featured rabbit and hare, of a non-pedestrian selection of wines. My curiosity was pricked. If reports were to be trusted, then it boded well for the much-vaunted gastropub revolution that has looked more like a gentle ripple in Scotland. Who would expect a nondescript pub in a prosperous enough, but not trendy neighbourhood, to quietly and unostentatiously reinvent itself? My dining companion looked quizzical, but I persuaded him at least to clock the menu before heading off elsewhere.
In the event, far from casing the joint and departing, we lingered over a decent, affordable three-course meal and a jolly nice bottle of wine - a racy red made from obscure Corsican grape varieties, Clos Columbu. Once inside the Caley Sample Room, we developed that smug "we got lucky, this is a find" feeling that you get when you stumble on a place that turns out to be much better than you supposed.
Inside, the Caley is big and warm, with a raftered ceiling, quite comfortable, welcomingly lit and not unattractively done up. It can accommodate a lot of people without being mobbed, so it has a buzz without any hustle. We liked the mood. It was amiably relaxed and the staff obviously like to chat with customers and give the impression of being happy at their work. The Caley has invested in a "Verre de Vin" wine preserving system, and offers some 20 interesting wines by the glass. The mark-up on bottles is pretty restrained too. More reason to linger.
advertisement

The menu is quite long, offering bar snacks such as hummus, feta cheese and fried chorizo and home-made potato wedges and sour cream, as well as 10 main courses, mainly priced at the lower end of the £8.95 to £14.95 bracket. There are pub classics such as steak sandwich, fishcakes and fish and chips, dishes such as rack of lamb that you might expect in a more formal restaurant, along with more unusual items such as sea bream with broad bean fricassée, lentil and butternut squash curry and sweet potato and chickpea cakes with parsnip chips. Daily specials add to the variety.
Our starters - warm squid and chorizo salad and a crab and avocado salad with a grapefruit dressing - were large, fresh and made with high quality raw materials. The squid might have been more tender, but otherwise we were off to a promising start.
For main courses, the special casserole of roe deer was of a competent home cook's standard, not shown off to its best by roast potatoes, (if ever there was a mash opportunity, this was it), but it was still fine. The venison was overshadowed by one of the simplest dishes on the menu, masterfully seared, well-spiced lamb burgers served in toasted pitta with a fresh tomato salsa, alongside wedges and a cooling cucumber raita. None of this was flash or show-offy, just straightforward, tasty and unassuming, the sort of food that is very often exactly what you want to eat.
I guess that someone in the kitchen is fond of their puddings because the love, care and attention shines through. A puffy, golden, luscious bramble bread and butter pudding could have put to shame many much posher establishments. Some strange sixth sense led me - normally a banana dessert boycotter - to choose the Caribbean bananas with rum syllabub. They were heavenly, all crusty and golden, served with plump raisins in a rich Muscovado-like, fruity butterscotch alongside a cloud of puffy, rum-spiked cream.
The Caley Sample Room is a really useful place. It is open lunch and dinner. You can have brunch, even on a weekday. On Sunday lunch, it also does roasts, and the kitchen is still awake on a Sunday evening.
It's an appealing proposition when you don't feel like cooking and just want something honest and appetising to eat.

The Caley Sample Room, 42-58 Angle Park Terrace, Edinburgh 0131 337 7204 Lunch/Dinner £5-22 Food rating 71/2/10

Typical Bar used by Hertz Supporters

Moat Bar News......

By our Moat Bar Correspondent With the Leer and big bottle of Frosty Jacks

Desperate News from along Slateford Road that the grim old Hi-bee haunt, The Moat Bar, is being subjected to a make-over. The Mince believes that the new bar, more in keeping with the changing demographic, will be known as "Oscars". Aye. Fan-tas-tic!

Campaign to Rid Park of Eyesore

By our Park Correspondent With the Leer and big bottle of Frosty Jacks

Residents overlooking Shandon's tree-lined Harrison Park are up in arms about a prominent eyesore, The Mince understands. The dilapidated sign, which is a hangover from the days when there were several derelict buildings in the park, appears to have been overlooked when the latter were demolished under the previous Labour administration.

One resident, Mr Purves of 86 Harrison Gardens, who would rather remain anonymous, spoke exclusively to the Mince. "It's mad, it's way out of proportion for the Park and all its got in it are some kiddie drawings! It's an open invitation to pervies everywhere. I mean its says, here be kids, come an have a deek, ken what ah mean?"

Other residents were equally unimpressed. Ms Fiona McRoberts from Ogilvie Terrace voiced a common concern. "The sign darkens the whole entrance to the Park. I just wouldn't go there, as you can't see who might be lurking up there."

The Mince believes that the Evening News has been contacted to 'get it sorted'.

SHAG's Christmas Mulled Wine Event Finds New Hosts

Shag's preparations take shape

The gap in the Shandon Social calendar left by the hasty departure of the Doctors P to Costa Geriatrica, has been filled, the Mince understands, by a charming couple with charming children in a charming townhouse of three floors.

As a nod to the previous charming hosts, the knockers are already getting polished, and the chest freezer is groaning with the finest lobster. BYOCP - bring your own crab pliers!

Waitrose 'Musselled' Out by Lidl

Local Seafood Shocker

Don't be shellfish, invite some friends! Yes, with the festive season almost upon us, you won't need to a loan to put on a spread fit for Saudi Kings, thanks to the ever popular local superstore Lidl. Get on down there while stocks last and 'snap' up their latest bargain: whole lobster! You don't know what to do with it? Don't worry, neither does anyone else, though you'll have seen the advert where one is thrown in boiling water for trying a bit of leg over with some blokes missus. Incredible but true.

Wikipeed on Shandon

Wikipedia's Shock Omission

The attention of The Mince has been drawn to the Wikipedia entry for the "Areas of Edinburgh". Incredibly there is no entry for Shandon! And worse, the entry for stinking Tory stuffed Craiglockhart, notes that....

[There is a Craiglockhart Primary School, although this is a little to the north of Craiglockhart itself, and would be considered by most residents to be within Polwarth or "Shandon".]

Oooh! Would it now? Check the apostrophes! Well, two can play at that gemme. Aye, there will soon be a Shandon entry. Full of fakes celebs, city landmarks and historic buildings. And hairdressers in Peugot 106s.

Schaudenfrade

In the Mince? Never!

Oh tsk. Seems a Shandon Celeb has been driving a bit over the speed limit. Jason Hall of Ashley Drive, was clocked doing a mere 110mph on the M9 in his £32,000 2.7 litre Porsche.

As the Mince's mole says, 'And his wife's a teacher at Craiglockhart school - that's not a good example to set the children!'

Still, good to see that not everyone in hairdressing earns shit money. Only the employees.

Burger Madness

Tide of Opposition engulfs Entrepreneur's Shock Scheme

Darramma indeed, up the canal as Mr Burt (right) of Ogilvy Terrace wants to open up a mobile food kiosk at the canal! Tsk. Mr Burt knows what he's up against and he's tried his best: apparently he will be selling "coffee, soft drinks, paninis and muffins". "It's far from being a burger van" he whines. Not good enough, Mr Burt, not good enough.

The good Burgers of Merchie Community Council are on your case! Aye, their chairwoman, Bridget Stevens (aye, the same busyboady who formed the neighborhood watch) said: "We are still deeply unhappy ..... the canal is a scheduled ancient monument!".

An ancient monument! No swimming either, then. And get these boats cleared away. I hope those ducks aren't pishing in that water, the swans want to drink it!

And what aboot her objections to a bookie at Bruntsfield.....Bridget Stevens, chair of Merchiston Community Council, added: "A bookies in Bruntsfield would significantly alter the character of the street. It consists of small, family shops and if the betting shop comes along it will be an altogether different animal." Aye, richty enuff.

And what about their crackdown on seagulls? It was abandoned in April due to fears that the volunteers could contract bird flu!! Acchhhooo!

See.. no burgers!

Whisky Drinkers

Nose Runs into Bus Stop Shock

The Mince hears that several members of ShAG, that hard drinking group of Shandon men, have arranged an outing to sup the finest sherried whiskies down at the Vaults. One hopes that they will avoid running into bus shelters as happened to one of the group recently. It seems that Mr G's desire to save a fiver by travelling by the famous N44 night bus overcame all caution as he sprinted full pelt into the end of the bus shelter opposite Jenners.

As he repeated to the Mince, "ma heid! ma erse! ma neb! Now for that Glenmorangie - can't wait to give it a good nosing".

Free Beer Shock

No Surprise As Scotland Humble Disappointing France

The Mince hears that several Shandon residents were recipients of free beer vouchers in the Athletic Arms during the recent France - Scotland game. It seems that the management of the fine old boozer, known to generations. blah.. diggers.. nearby graveyard.... felt that their vouchers were as worthless as Northern Rock shares. That was before 'King' James 'Faddy' McFadden lashed in his unstoppable 64th minute winner. Needless to say, at the final whistle, amidst scenes of great rejoicing, the near delirious crowd thronged the bar and their priceless vouchers were speedily converted into pints of the finest foaming Deuchars IPA.

All except one voucher, which has been seen by the Mince. Apparently the voucher, a unique souvenir of an unforgettable event, has now changed hands several times at several times its face value. Lets hope its whereabouts are kept secret given the ease with which Shandon doors can be kicked in.

Crime Soars Under New Administration

Shocking News from our Shandon News Correspondent

The Mince hears that one of the big hooses has suffered a bit of robbery. Seems that a very newly arrived flat screen telly (not your 300 quid version - ten times that price) was the target of some well informed thieves who kicked in the door before legging it wth their loot, Time to look out the CCTV petition or else lay the gated community proposal before Mr MacAskill.

Green Door

Shocking News from our Shandon News Correspondent

Worrying news indeed from posh Gorgie. One of the biggest Hertz bores in Shandon (from a large pool) has just painted his door green! Strewth.

Canalside!

from our Shandon News Correspondent

The Mince was delighted to receive the first issue of The Canalside Directory: a monthly guide to our local community, businesses, services and entertainment! The community page asks, "Who is Stan - The Mystery Man?" who has been "bemusing" local residents by putting up posters along the canal about cycling etiquette. The Mince knows who he is. He's a jerk.

Parking Space Uproar

from our Shandon News Correspondent

Much consternation has been reported in Shandon's elegant listed Crescent. It seems that one of the residents has managed to reserve themselves a parking bay by virtue of being less than fully fit. This has struck a few of the neighbours as surprising as the lady in question appears extremely sprightly and nimble on her pins. It is unlikely however that any official representations will be made by Shandon's famous, and increasingly infirm, senior service crew, a.k.a. SHAG, who may well consider that their time for parking bays may not be far off.

Anorak Spotted

from our Shandon News Correspondent

Thanks to the reader who spotted an ageing and sad Shandonite in the queue outside the new Apple Store in Glasgow on the morning of its official opening. Mr G (for it was he) had apparently been queing since the previous evening in the hope of being one of the lucky few to obtain a free t-shirt emblazoned with the iconic company's iconic icon. Diggers regulars have yet to see the famous garment as he's been at home playing with his new kit ever since.

New Menu at The Ardmillan Hotel

by Joanna Blythman

Restaurant review: Freshness, a quirky charm and originality abound at this restaurant … definitely not bar food by numbers here, finds Joanna Blythman.

Don't you just love it when old favourites get even better? That venerable Edinburgh institution, The Ardmillan Hotel, has always been a quirky outfit. It didn't used to accept reservations or credit cards. Now it does both. It had no licence: the family who run it are teetotal. If you wanted alcohol, you had to bring your own from the pub along the road. It's the same story now in the new premises, which is just a stone's throw away from the Diggers. But beer with bar food is a bizarre British custom anyhow, and given the current line-up of drinks on offer now, the thought of it is ever less appealing.
What other restaurant in Scotland has a more enticing drinks offer? Freshly squeezed orange juice, sweet or salt lassi, mango lassi of addictive deliciousness, pitchers brimming with different cocktails of fresh fruit smoothies … the Ardmillan has pulled out the stops.
New generation Ardmillan is a really fun place to be. A plasma screen shows films in Gaelic. The music stretches from Donizetti to deep house (whatever that may be). The Ardmillan buzzes with activity – the kitchen is partially open-without being tiresomely noisy. Its urban energy, not to mention extremely modest prices, give it a democratic, approachable demeanour. The flexibility of its menu, which offers the possibility of both snacks and a traditional meal, make it a venue that attracts a diverse and eclectic clientele. Few restaurants fire on all cylinders in this way.
And the food is great. No bar food house kit meals. The owners are keen to stress that “every dish is still marinated for hours in its own sauce, not just dipped in a vat of red or yellow gunk en route to your table”, a truth that is apparent. Ardmillan's food tastes of long, slow cooking, not last-minute sleight of hand. The menu is, dare I say it, is catholic, spanning Tunisian bric pastries and middle eastern stuffed flat breads. Every dish has a unique character. They brim over with freshly ground and whole spices. You get the impression that someone makes up the spice mixes frequently. Care and energy seems to have been lavished on every element, even the accompanying dipping sauces and pickles.
You could make a meal just from the starters.The fish pakoras consisted of fresh, fleshy haddock cooked to luscious perfection inside a crisp, dry batter with a cumin-flavoured yogurt dip. These shared a lightness of batter with the spiced potato cutlets, which were fragrant with fresh chilli and a roughly ground masala. We almost fought over the minced lamb and lentil shammi kebab whose mealy texture was rendered addictive by chilli heat harnessed to sweeter spices, such as cinnamon and cloves. A middle eastern style lamb shawarma – an Arab-style bread filled with slightly crusty morsels of flaky, barbecued lamb and yogurt with salad, olives and salted, pickled chillis on the side – was a joy to eat with the fingers.
Main dishes all radiate distinctive personality. Ardmillan Hotel's original recipe lamb curry had a rich tomatoey-mutton taste. The sour notes in the Punjabi chicken masala were complemented by flavours of fennel and cloves. Fish desi had a sweet chilli quality. Vegetable dishes can be ordered in side portions so you can afford to experiment. We came up with melting, smoky aubergine and okra, free from any glutinousness. Instead, they were pleasantly caramelised and sticky.
The standard didn't let up with desserts. The mango kulfi ice cream is unmissable. It captures the intense perfumes of silky sub-continental mangoes. As for the rice pudding flavoured with its haunting aroma of green cardamom, well, this is a dish to treat yourself to on a day when the world has been bad to you, or any other day come to think of it. Either way, it will buck you up.

Ardmillan Hotel, Ardmillan Terrace, Edinburgh, 0131 220 0057
food rating: 9/10
01 September 2007

In Touch with.... Buchan!

from our Shandon News Correspondent

Shandon residents have been less than impressed by the 'In Touch' special delivered to their homes, The Mince understands. Apparently Buchan makes much of 'delivering' on his key election pledges. He has already met his first commitment - no deals with Labour, he gushes.

The Labour cooncillors must be distraught.

Shandon News!

from our Shandon News Correspondent

A new shop in Shandon! And in a prime location too, for passengers alighting from both Corporation and SMT omnibuses running out of town. Mind you, the Mince hasn't investigated beyond the window, but clearly the shop is offering Shandon News and much much more.... Porny mags, coke and crisps, then.

City police in hunt for canal path pervert!!!

City police in hunt for canal path pervert!!!

from the News.... 4 July 2007

A FLASHER who exposed himself after walking up to a couple with his trousers around his ankles was today being hunted by police.The man and woman were walking along the Union Canal footpath near Harrison Place, Merchiston, when the pervert struck.
He walked towards them with his trousers round his ankles before stopping in front of the pair and lifting his T-shirt.

The incident happened at around 6.10pm on Monday and the couple reported the incident to police soon afterwards.The suspect is white, aged between 17 or 18, and 5ft 7in to 5ft 8in tall. He had short dark-brown hair, and wore a white and navy thick striped T-shirt with a collar, and black trousers.

Would you like a pervert up your canal?

Record Rainfall Misery

Record Rainfall Misery

With so much in the news about the devastating flooding in Yorkshire, it was perhaps understandable that the unparalleled floods on Shandon's Ashley Terrace attracted little attention. One reader of The Mince captured the water at its height at 12:15pm, 1st July, when it seemed that the upmarket shopping thoroughfare would have to be closed to traffic with ruinous commercial consequences for many small businesses, particularly the Chemist, who is struggling to keep his head above water as it is, so to speak. Mind you it was Sunday anyway.

Fond Farewell (but not forgotten... according to the cake)

Well, he's gone at last; it seems a long time ago that he first pencilled in that date when he would leave us, and in that time there has been a constant stream of tributes, parties, and reflections on His life amongst us.

But nothing prepared us for the leaving. 10:30pm in the Diggers, he announced, "well, that's it, I'm off, long way to go tomorrow". And despite entreaties to have one for the road, he was as good as his word this time, and was gone, without as much as a malt of the month.

Needless to say, the Shandon drouthy chums were a bit deflated, but soon perked up when they discovered he'd put 50 quid behind the bar! Cheers, Andy! Lang may yer lum reek.